Mid Year

Teach me more things, I said. In this limited time I need more explanations. I asked a lot of questions before and I am tired of asking "why"... and "how"..

Emotional Communication

Lately, I'm starting to distinguish people by their emotional communication quality. Those who are indifferent, no matter how awesome they are, are starting to be those whom I get rid of.

I might have been a very tolerant person before. I could stay cool with selfish people who come to me when they need me, and gone when they don't. But I think I can't be like that anymore. Long term relationship, can only be guaranteed by good communications. Both verbal and emotional.

Strong

I enjoy Robbie William's songs during weekend. This boring and lonely weekend feels better with his lyrics. For some reasons I don't feel strong enough to face the days ahead. I know there are some tasks I must do, but I feel powerless. I can't manage my concentration to finish them all soon. I even feel nervous to let them stepping into my face. I need a leave. A long, long, and far away leave. If only I had much money to go. If only....

Now let's sing with Robbie. "STRONG".

My breath smells of a thousand fags And when I'm drunk I dance like me Dad I've started to dress a bit like him Early morning when I wake up I look like Kiss but without the make up And that's a good line to take it to The bridge And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow so before I'm old I'll confess You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song My bed's full of takeaways and fantasies Of easy lays The pause button's broke on my video And is this real cos I feel fake Oprah Winfrey Ricki Lake Teach me things I don't need to know And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And it's starting to show so before I'm old I'll confess You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song If I did it all again I'd be a nun The rain was never cold when I was young I'm still young we're still young Life's too short to be afraid Step inside the sun And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow And you know and you know Cos my life's a mess And I'm trying to grow You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song You think that I'm strong you're wrong You're wrong I'll sing my song my song my song Life's too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain You don't have to take the blame Life's too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain You don't have to take the blame Life's too short to be afraid So take a pill to numb the pain You don't have to take the blame

Sanctuary

I am looking for a sanctuary. I am feeling not so good. It's 2,5 month before the announcement and I feel a bit nervous. To be honest, it's like my last try. I don't know what's gonna be my second plan after this. I just know that I don't wanna stay here anymore. I need a new phase.

They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the
thunder knew that someone had to stop the rain

Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah
(Janie's Got a Gun, Aerosmith)


.....

The PMS Diary

Admit it. Estrogen and progesterone don't work well together on PMS and period. They make your thought scattered, one topic to another. You can't arrange them into a hierarchical priority topics. What happen is that the bad topic is always being put on the top. For no reason, you NEVER KNOW WHY.

It's gonna be a good idea: let's take notes on every "hot topic" that arises each month, and analyze the pattern :D For example, how many percent is the "love" topic, "family" topic, and so on. I have an assumption that the topic which becomes the top priority while we're having period is actually the hidden anxiety in our subconsciousness.

Why hidden anxiety should be taken into account? Dunno :) I just think it's interesting!

No Signal

It's been a month or more. I feel like letting myself alone. There's a bit loneliness, yet I feel comfort. I feel free, and easier to move. I can enjoy my day with anything I like - by mostly - shopping!

Almost three years being physically single has made me so emotionally independent. Although, in the same way, I forgot how to read men's mind :) That's how I feel when I misinterpreted the signals from some guys whom I met. Or is it because the men I met were mostly diplomats, who are professionally disallowed to express their personal interests? I dunno. I just feel like my radar is running out of its ability to catch pheromone signals :)

Dondurma, Can You Wait for a While?

It's June already. 3 months to September. I suddenly feel awkward while joining our office's retreat at Tanjung Lesung. We were happy, a little awkward in the beginning but soon turned to be fun! I felt the togetherness during the fun games session that lasted until it ends. But when I realized what I've been expecting to come on September, I felt that this togetherness might not be long.

We are expecting a field project at several places in Indonesia, in which I could be involved. But the fact that the Scholarship announcement will be held on September the middle, I can sense that I am running out of time.

Suddenly I want to visit many places in Indonesia before I leave. I want to dive in Tidung, Bira, or Sepa island. I want to fly to Raja Ampat. I wanna see the waterfalls in West Java. I wanna go to Tanjung Karang beach in Palu. I have 3 months left. I hope I'll make it.